A VERY OLD NEW MUSICAL
Music and Lyrics by Stephen Randoy
Book by James Glossman
THE ONLY YEAR THAT EVER WAS is a quest musical set in the 14th Century which follows a group of travelers on the road in search of their own Holy Grail, the Golden Pear. It tells a story that combines a twist of CAMELOT as told by Groucho Marx who must have been watching THE PRINCESS BRIDE and listening to THE MAGIC FLUTE while contemplating his own mortality. It opens with a young man, MICHAEL who has been digging a hole in the ground on a lovely spring day.
Just before ending the song he takes a cross and pounds it into the ground. He has just buried his father…
with whom he still talks regularly.
Out of the ether MILTON, a fast talking, time traveling Wizard appears to MICHAEL.
“I come from Everywhere and Nowhere. Not soon shall I see the Eastern Parkway again.”
MILTON for some reason wants MICHAEL to accompany him on a dangerous but exciting Quest. “I seek the rarest of rare, the choicest of choice, the favor that makes all others unfavorable.”
Spring gives way to a hot uncomfortable summer. Suddenly they are set upon by MARCUS, a soldier who claims to be the only survivor of a tremendous bloody battle and tries to swindle them out of some money and provisions.
However, it turns out MARCUS has stolen some armor and deserted his regiment and there are a group of vengeful, ragged soldiers looking for him.
They are led by MEISTER who introduces himself with a declaration of a soldier’s challenging life.
MICHAEL decides that MARCUS might be useful to them on their journey so he has MILTON pay a ransom for him . MILTON is not happy about this.
The weather has cooled and we are seeing the first signs of autumn. Our friends come upon a wagon stopped along the road which is occupied by LORD MELVILLE, his wife LADY MARGERY, a couple of aristocrats who have seen better days. They are traveling with their servant MALACHI who is off foraging for some food. They proudly introduce themselves while MARCUS tries to win their favor. MILTON is skeptical but he knows too well they have just added some more companions to their quest.
Everyone has turned in for the night except for MICHAEL and MALACHI who share a moment by the fire. MALACHI explains to MICHAEL his relationship with MELVILLE and why he stays with them.
Suddenly a scream is heard and a young woman comes running on and begs for help as she is being pursued by the soldiers we met earlier. A fight ensues as our travelers try to protect her. In the process, MICHAEL kills one of the more vicious soldiers.
MIRIAM enters and walks over to MICHAEL to thank him for saving her life.
END OF ACT I
ACT II begins as our travelers head into winter through all kinds of obstacles, accidents and dangers. Their wagon has broken down and food has become scarce.
MICHAEL is talking to his father again, while MALACHI is fixing the axle, MARCUS is royally screwing up everything he touches and everyone is getting anxious.
“Well, Old Man, it’s been…winter. Seems like forever but the thaw has begun. I hope.”
They hear a rattling and some chanting by a group of monks off stage and realize the the nearest village has been struck with the Black Plague. They quickly depart.
“The rattling sound,,,”
“They use noisemakers to scare away the demons carrying the scourge…”
MELVILLE and MARGERY inside the wagon:
“My dear?”
“Yes, dear”
“This tea… It’s just that…We’ve been nowhere near a town in weeks”
“When our stores began to run low, last autumn, I asked Michael to keep an eye out for caravans. Of course these traveling fellows will haggle dreadfully, but Michael kept it to to those lovely emerald earrings…”
“Tea.”
“Precisely. Simplicity itself.”
Suddenly MILTON jumps up, telling everyone they’ve got to get out of here.
“Holy singing catfish! Break camp! There’s no time to lose.”
An eccentric looking woman appears behind the wagon.
“Milton!”
“Molly! Well, whaddaya—know—whaddaya-say!. Long time no—-”
“Where’s my money Milton?”
MOLLY decides to stick around awhile with the travelers to check up on MILTON after revealing the history behind their relationship. She joins MIRIAM and MARGERY that evening to instruct them in a little contemporary feminism.
“Well, well, well, three women together and the world is born anew.”
The next morning MOLLY has disappeared with a bag of silver that MILTON had been hiding from them.
“I’ve been rolled! All my silver, my whole bloody purse, cut away neatly enough to shave me to the bone. Thousands straight from the mint! WE GOT THE DIVORCE DECREE IN FLATBUSH—-NO COMMUNITY PROPERTY!”
(Our travelers are furious.)
“Milton. You mean all these months, living from hand to mouth, foraging and begging any stray scraps that came our way…all the while…you’ve been hoarding a fortune in silver?”
“Ah look, kiddo…how many time I gotta tell you hardship builds character.”
“Yes, and how many things have you said, grandfather of lies and liars…”
“Listen to me all of you! The Golden Pear is an object of great power; you can’t expect to just turn around and find it sitting on some…”
(Silence falls over the lot of them, for there before them upon a secret stump in all its majesty, golden and shining, sits the Pear.)
“Thanks fellas.”
(and with a sudden flourish of his robe, he disappears with the pear in a puff of smoke.)
“Well, ah, see here, young fellow, we all feel that…there’s still something to seek for out on the open road. Not done too badly for ourselves in one year, what? So then, why not another?
And they’re off, as a crowd of beggars enters past the wagon, asking alms, MILTON steps out behind a tree.
“Bon voyage, children.”
(He turns to the beggar)
“Here fella. Have a pear.”
THE END